Recently, the theme of longing has stood out to me – in the therapy room, in life. And when we’re really doing important work, I think, the things we’re feeling and noticing in life are what we are exploring in the therapy room. 

Grief is often an intimidating concept. Who wants to feel that? I would much rather be happy, thank you. 

Grief holds a lot of really messy, often uncomfortable emotions. Uncomfortable because they ask a lot of us: Sadness can slow us down and remind us of the soreness of the pain. Anger can ignite energy that we don’t always know what to do with. And then there’s longing. 

Longing speaks to that we wish so dearly we had. The thing we had to say goodbye to – or the thing just out of reach. 

When we grieve a person, we may long for one more day together, to be able to pick up the phone and hear their voice again, for them to be at my [major life event]. We may long for a resolution to a relationship that was challenging and not always loving or easy.

We may be longing for a different job, a different home, a different world in which to live. And it may break our heart. But it may also be the thing that guides us toward knowing what is good and true to us. Knowing what feels worthy of our longing. 

We cannot bring our person back from the dead. We cannot go back in time to say “the thing” differently. But we can know what is valuable to us. We can be kind to that part of ourselves that is willing to speak up, asking for something good.

An important part of grief counseling is having a space where we can talk about, reminisce, and connect with the good and the painful emotions that our loss brings up.  In therapy, we also celebrate and enjoy the good, the joy, the clarity, and the progress along the way. Sometimes this looks like spending a session focused on stories about the wonderful memories of the person who died. Or honoring the change that was possible because of a painful decision that came with loss. There’s no “right way” to do this, but I take seriously finding what will support each client I have the honor to work with.

If you’re seeking grief counseling in Asheville, NC or online grief counseling anywhere in North Carolina, please get in touch: Alice@TheBreakupTherapist.com.