Parenting changes everything. Sleepless nights, endless to-do lists, and the emotional ups and downs can leave you feeling more like roommates than partners. Imagine this: you’re both so exhausted from the bedtime routine that you barely have the energy to say goodnight, let alone ask how the other is doing. It’s a common experience, but it doesn’t have to define your relationship. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to lose each other. Reconnecting doesn’t require huge, sweeping gestures. It’s the small, intentional moments that can bring you back together.

Here are eight ways to reignite your relationship after becoming parents. Even small steps can make a big difference, so take heart—it’s never too late to reconnect:

1. Find Connection in Small Moments

It’s easy to assume you need big blocks of time to reconnect, but even tiny moments of connection can make a difference.

• Take two minutes in the morning to check in with each other before the day starts.

• Say thank you for something your partner did, even if it’s small, like unloading the dishwasher or taking out the trash.

• Leave a note or send a quick text during the day to let them know you’re thinking of them.

Why it works: These small gestures help build a sense of partnership, even when time is short.

2. Remember Why You Chose Each Other

Parenthood often shifts the focus entirely to your kids, but taking a moment to reflect on your relationship’s roots can help rekindle your bond.

• Talk about what first brought you together. What made you fall in love?

• Share a memory from before you became parents that still makes you laugh or smile.

• Celebrate small milestones, like the anniversary of your first date or the day you moved in together.

Why it works: Remembering your foundation can bring perspective and remind you of the team you’ve always been.

3. Make Time for Just the Two of You

Date nights can feel impossible when you’re juggling kids, but carving out time for just the two of you doesn’t have to be elaborate.

• Plan an at-home date after the kids are in bed. Order takeout and watch a favorite movie.

• Take a walk together, even if it’s just around the block.

• Schedule a coffee date during naptime or while the kids are at school.

Why it works: These small acts of prioritizing each other show that your relationship matters, no matter how busy life gets.

4. Share the Mental and Emotional Load

Parenting and household responsibilities can feel overwhelming when one partner shoulders more of the burden. Redistributing tasks and valuing unpaid labor, or the “mental load”, can ease stress and foster connection.

• Sit down together to make a list of everything that needs to get done and divide tasks equitably. Use a shared calendar or app to keep track of responsibilities.

• Acknowledge and value the emotional and physical energy both of you bring to the table.

• Check in regularly about how each of you is feeling to avoid resentment building up over time.

Why it works: When you both feel supported and valued, teamwork becomes the focus, and resentment fades.

5. Have Honest Conversations

Parenting can bring stress and exhaustion, and it’s easy to let frustrations build up. Talking openly can help clear the air and strengthen your connection.

• Use “I” statements to express how you’re feeling, like, “I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed with everything on my plate.” These statements help shift the focus from blame to your personal experience, which can make it easier for your partner to listen without feeling defensive.

• Listen to your partner without trying to jump in and fix things right away.

• Set aside a specific time to talk about challenges so it doesn’t spill into every interaction.

Why it works: Honest communication creates a safe space for both of you to feel heard and supported.

6. Ease Back Into Physical Intimacy

Physical connection doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Start small and rebuild closeness over time.

• Hold hands, hug more often, or sit next to each other on the couch. These little moments of touch can be powerful.

• Be patient and talk about what feels right for both of you.

• Focus on affection and closeness without pressure for it to lead to anything more.

Why it works: Physical touch helps rebuild emotional closeness and lowers stress for both of you.

7. Be Each Other’s Cheerleader

Parenting often involves self-doubt, and having a partner who believes in you can make a world of difference.

• Acknowledge your partner’s efforts, whether it’s managing bedtime or excelling at work.

• Celebrate each other’s wins, no matter how small.

• Be their sounding board when they need to vent without judgment or unsolicited advice.

Why it works: Feeling appreciated and supported strengthens your bond and helps you see each other as a team.

8. Laugh Together

Parenting is serious work, but it doesn’t have to be all seriousness all the time. Like when you find yourself whisper-shouting at each other about whose turn it is to wash the sippy cups—sometimes the absurdity of it all is exactly what you need to break into laughter. Finding humor in the chaos can bring you closer.

• Watch a comedy special or movie you both love.

• Share funny parenting moments or memes.

• Don’t be afraid to laugh at the ridiculousness of the day-to-day challenges you face.

Why it works: Laughter relieves stress and reminds you of the joy in your partnership, even during tough times.

Parenting Doesn’t Mean Losing Your Connection

Having kids will absolutely change your relationship, but it doesn’t mean you have to drift apart. By finding small ways to connect, prioritizing time for each other, and keeping communication open, you can strengthen your bond and grow as a couple.

Remember, it’s not about perfection. It’s about showing up for each other in ways that matter, even when life feels messy.

Parenting Support in Asheville, NC

If you’re seeking help reigniting your relationship after becoming a parent, please reach out. I offer therapy for parents, therapy for new parents, therapy for homeschool parents, and others both in-person in Asheville, NC and remotely anywhere in North Carolina. Email me at Kim@TheBreakupTherapist.com.